Week 10

The article about explaining the death process to a child interested me. It said that you should explain about death and the changes that comes with it. The article says that it's also important to include spiritual values as well to decrease fears and to keep them from imagining things worse than the truth. I found this interesting because in my faith, death is celebrated as a wonderful change or transcendence into the next worlds to be with our patrons. We celebrate when one of us passes because it is another transition of life, just as we celebrate births.

I can't imagine lying to my child over something natural. In the article it says that if we're old enough to die, we're old enough to grieve. Grieving isn't a bad thing. It's an important part of life. Supporting our children in grieving healthily is vastly important. I feel like by celebrating the person's passing as a positive change that we all look forward to, we are showing our children how to accept death as a facet of life.

Thanks for a great quarter! It's been lots of fun and I've learned a lot!

Week 9

The thing that popped out to me this week was the part about Alzheimer's disease. On page 544, is says, "Alzheimer's disease causes people to change from thinking, communicative human beings to confused , bedridden victims unable to recognize their family members and close friends." As a Certified Nursing Assistant, I have worked in an Alzheimer's unit before. I have watched the symptoms over come people. According to the book, the symptoms are: "declines in memory, learning, attention, and judgment; confusion as to time and place; difficulties in communicating and finding the right words; decline in personal hygiene and self-care skills; inappropriate social behavior; and changes in personality." It is no wonder that Alzheimer's is so dreaded and terrifying.

I honestly would not want to live through the horror of degrading farther as the Alzheimer's progresses. I've watched as family members struggled as people who are so important become empty husks. I've heard people cry themselves to sleep because they knew they were sick and dying but couldn't remember who they could talk to about it. One woman I knew cried every day because her husband had left her. He had passed away a long time ago, but she was reliving that day over and over.

Honestly, I'm not sure whether it's a blessing or a curse to live so long.

Week 8

This week struck a chord with me because I recently had my baby last quarter. Before I was pregnant I loved working. I planned on working as soon as I had my baby and have my husband stay home or work part time. I never planned to give up working, which has always been the most important thing to me. I love working. Even if I have the crappiest job ever, I love making money. When I was pregnant, however, my husband joined the Army.

After my son was born, he went into boot camp. Now, I'm on my own, playing at being a single mom while struggling to learn how to juggle school and a new baby. I never wanted children and my husband and I had agreed that he would take care of the baby while I took time to regain myself after being pregnant. People ask how I like being a mom. This question confuses me because I don't think about it as whether you like it or not. To me, there is no liking or disliking. I am a mom. Why would I not like who and what I am? It's hard, but it's supposed to be. Every woman in the history of the world who has transcended to motherhood has felt the hardship to be a mom. I fail to see how moping about not liking motherhood is going to make me or my baby any happier.

As for settling into traditional roles, yes that has happened to an extent, but not for long. As soon as my husband is stationed somewhere, I am getting a job that is an opposite shift of him. I need to work or I'm not happy. I don't feel equal in a relationship where I don't make money. Taking care of a child, in my eyes, is not as important as making money. I don't want to stay home and would rather limit the amount of time I have with my son so that I appreciate the time I do have with him. I love my son, but until he actually starts walking, talking and generally doing anything remotely interesting, he's like a puppy I have to bottle feed every two hours.

In today's society I don't think it's accepted to be a stay at home mom/dad. I've seen the look on some people's faces when I say I'm just going to school. It's frowned upon to not be a working parent. Just like breast feeding in public is frowned upon. How are women supposed to breast feed if they aren't encouraged to nurse in public? Are you supposed to hole yourself up at home so people don't see your nipple? Hide in the bathroom to nurse your baby because it's rude to do something natural in front of people if you run out of pumped milk?

I know when I had my son, the hospital instantly gave me a plastic nipple to go over mine. My baby never nursed off me because all he knew was the plastic. If I tried, he'd just sit there and cry until I gave him a plastic nipple. From the get go, the hospital ruined my chances of breast feeding. They had me pumping and giving it to him through a bottle before I even had a chance to try natural. We are raising our children on plastic and preservatives despite it being well known that breastfeeding highers our IQs. But it doesn't really higher our IQ's does it? No, that is our IQ naturally. Bottle feeding lowers our IQ. We are raising more and more babies with less intelligence.

Week 7

What caught my attention this week was The Dark Side of Relationships: Abuse starting page 403. This subject actually really strikes home. I spent five years in a severe aggressive relationship, which the book said was beating, punching or hitting with an object caused by personality disorders, emotional swings and poor-self esteem. In my experience, those terms are so broad, they don't come close to actually describing the reasons why people hurt those they love.

People say, "Why would you stay with them?" We all know the typical, paltry, "I love him/her," response. Unfortunately, there's always more to the story. It isn't just the rut that you've become  accustomed to, or the hassle to divorce/move out. It's the fear that you've wasted the last however many years on someone all for nothing. It's the terror that every tear shed has been for naught and every day fighting an uphill battle to save your relationship was folly. No one wants to feel old, but there's nothing worse than feeling like you've wasted your youth.

In the end, I realized that you don't actually have to fight to save your relationship. It's easy to get along. All you have to do is try your best to make your partner happy. If you always put them ahead of yourself and if they're right for you, then they will always put your happiness first, as well. If they don't reciprocate, then they are not right for you. And never ever call names. Once that line is crossed, it's hard to go back.

Week 6

Out of all the material this week, the article about girls being shown how to see themselves as sex objects piqued my interest. The article suggests that Bratz dolls and other media are poisoning our young children into thinking of their worth as the level of sexy they are.

Now, I have to say that even though I think it's inappropriate for dolls meant for 4 to 8 years olds to have fishnets and mini skirts, I don't think that it is dolls that are showing our children how to dress and act. Every summer I see mothers dressing their daughters up in little skirts and tiny bikinis. If we don't want our children to see themselves as sex objects then why are we dressing them up like sexually mature adults? Let's not blame the dolls because, let's face it, we don't have to buy them for our girls. It's up to the parent to instill self-respect in their child.

I also was very interested in Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Erikson states that children go through eight stages:

1. Trust versus Mistrust-birth to a year
2. Autonomy versus shame and doubt-1 to 3 years old
3. Initiavive versus guilt-3 to 6 years old
4. Industry versus inferiority-6 to puberty
5. Identity versus Role confusion-adolesence
6. Intimacy versus isolation-young adulthood
7. Generativity versus stagnation-during middle age
8. Ego Integrity versus despair-senior years

The idea is that if you don't complete each stage then you do not progress in a healthy manner in life. It baffles me that they can detect shame and doubt in 1 to 3 year olds.  Our younger years really do effect us in the long term even though we don't remember a lot of them. I would love to know how Erikson came up with these stages. And is there a cut off where it's too late to work on these stages? Also, how did erikson get his research?

Week 5

In this chapter I was quite appalled by the way the book detailed how you should parent. It states that you have to explain your dcisions to your children or they willl turn out "unhappy, have low self esteem and [become] overly aggressive." Page 254. The book also says that if you are a permissive parent where you allow your child to make their own decisions then they will turn out "impulsive and have little self control." This is absolutely false.

I was allowed to do what I like as a child. My mother was very "permissive". Because my mother treated me with respect and trusted me to make good decisions, I became responsible, had excellent grades, graduated early from high school and was out of the house on my own by 17 years old. She showed me by example what was right, but I was never told no. My parents let me stretch my wings out as far as I could and let me fall if I made a mistake. By giving me freedom and encouraging me to make my own desicions, they gave me the ability to think out problems on my own, be self-reliant and, above all, self-control.

On the other hand, I grew up surrounded by "authoratative" parents whose children were miserable, failing school, lying about where they were, shoplifting, having unsafe sex and a miriade of other inappropriate behaviour. I grew up in Lynden, where there was a lot of involved parents that had high control. We like to put everything is nice, neat little boxes, but the truth is that parenting is too individualized.

What one child needs is not what another needs. Some children need an authoritarian parent that shows less warmth but has high control. Some need authoritative parenting, which is high involvement and high control. Some need permissive parents, where there is high involvement and low control. And, let's face it, some children are better off with their parent not being involved or have any control. It completely depends on the child and the parent.

Also, on page 255, the book states, "Parents of higher socioeconomic status are, by definition, more educated and consequently often see development as a more complex process requiring the more nuanced and child friendly approach that marks authoritative parenting. Parents who are relatively uneducated often find themselves employed in positions where they're used to taking orders from others; when they're home, these parents reverse roles and order their children around. "

Socioeconomic status (SES) is an economic and sociological combined total measure of a person's work experience and of an individual's or family's economic and social position in relation to others, based on income, education, and occupation.

According to the definition of socioeconomics, it's a total measure of everything put together, not just education. Being educated does not, in any way, mean that you have more money. In fact, a huge percentage of our educated population are under paid teachers being ordered around and scraping for raises. Maybe people who are bossed around all day come home and treat their children with respect because they don't want to treat their children like they are treated at work. Maybe they go home and realax instead of bringing stress home. Maybe people with more money aren't really involved in their children's lives, allowing nannies to raise their children. I fail to see how that statement has any clout or truth in it.

We need to stop interfering with how people choose to raise their children. We need to stop judging and realize that every parent and child relationship is different. Their is too many wasted resources in this country going towards judging parents who are trying their best, when those resources should be helping children that really are being abused.  Let's take a step back, stop analyzing, and trust a parent to know how their child works and what's best for them.

Week 4

What I really found interesting this week are the different views of ADHD and how we're managing it as a society. My whole family on my father's side is diagnosed with ADHD or ADD, so I grew up surrounded by varying degrees of the disorder. I have watched people that truly needed their medications go without while their parents try to manage them with counseling. It's incredibly fustrating for both the kid and parents. I've witnessed the amazing transformation medication can have on a child with ADHD, but I have also witnessed children who do not necessarily need medication, rather than attention and guidance, be drugged up because it's easier.

I think one of the reasons why we over use medication is because of our busy work schedules. Especially since in most families both parents have to work. Who has time to devote to an extra needy child? Also, I feel that we as a society trust whatever our doctors are telling us without looking up the facts.

Week 3

What caught my attention this week was the operant and classical conditioning. I've done some extra research on the matter. Classical conditioning is such a simple idea and yet is extremely effective.

I was thinking about the attachment theory. It said that the infant connects with the primary caregiver, normally the mother. I don't think that the infant should bond with just one person. I feel that if a baby connects with multiple people, he is practicing his social skills and building his support group.

I had a stay at home mom. I definitely believe that my father felt pushed aside because of her need to cuddle us. I can't say that I agree with this theory.

Chapter 2 to 3

I enjoyed reading the section of newborn babies in chapter 3. Probably because I just had my first baby last quarter. It says that newborn babies spend 2-3 hours every day crying. I am so glad my baby didn't spend that much time crying! I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I have never been found of babies and it has been hard to accept one in my life. I never believed all the talk about maternal instincts, but hearing my baby cry is extremely difficult. The book talks about the babies reflexes, but what about a new mom's new instincts?

As soon as my baby cries, I know about it. In fact, if he cries anywhere in the house it will wake me up from a dead sleep. I have always been able to sleep through anything, but as soon as he stirs I'm wide awake. When he cries I feel my arms tense and I have the strongest desire ever to pick him up. My arms will literally start cramping if I don't. I find it incredibly odd and wonder what happens biologically to bring out these new instincts.

Also fascinating is that babies show their temperaments so young. I wonder how many people were "good" babies who turned out to be criminals and whether there is a correlation to early temperaments with certain psychological issues.

Hi,

Sorry I'm late posting, I had to wait for my book to arrive. It got a little caught up in the mail. What I loved about this chapter is learning about all these different views. I believe that our DNA has a huge impact on who we are and how we interact with the world around us. I have met extended family members for the first time and have been stunned with how alike we are. I recently met my Aunt for the first time and found out that the way we handle stress is identical and our likes and dislikes are nearly identical. Are our wants in life predisposed before birth?