This week struck a chord with me because I recently had my baby last quarter. Before I was pregnant I loved working. I planned on working as soon as I had my baby and have my husband stay home or work part time. I never planned to give up working, which has always been the most important thing to me. I love working. Even if I have the crappiest job ever, I love making money. When I was pregnant, however, my husband joined the Army.
After my son was born, he went into boot camp. Now, I'm on my own, playing at being a single mom while struggling to learn how to juggle school and a new baby. I never wanted children and my husband and I had agreed that he would take care of the baby while I took time to regain myself after being pregnant. People ask how I like being a mom. This question confuses me because I don't think about it as whether you like it or not. To me, there is no liking or disliking. I am a mom. Why would I not like who and what I am? It's hard, but it's supposed to be. Every woman in the history of the world who has transcended to motherhood has felt the hardship to be a mom. I fail to see how moping about not liking motherhood is going to make me or my baby any happier.
As for settling into traditional roles, yes that has happened to an extent, but not for long. As soon as my husband is stationed somewhere, I am getting a job that is an opposite shift of him. I need to work or I'm not happy. I don't feel equal in a relationship where I don't make money. Taking care of a child, in my eyes, is not as important as making money. I don't want to stay home and would rather limit the amount of time I have with my son so that I appreciate the time I do have with him. I love my son, but until he actually starts walking, talking and generally doing anything remotely interesting, he's like a puppy I have to bottle feed every two hours.
In today's society I don't think it's accepted to be a stay at home mom/dad. I've seen the look on some people's faces when I say I'm just going to school. It's frowned upon to not be a working parent. Just like breast feeding in public is frowned upon. How are women supposed to breast feed if they aren't encouraged to nurse in public? Are you supposed to hole yourself up at home so people don't see your nipple? Hide in the bathroom to nurse your baby because it's rude to do something natural in front of people if you run out of pumped milk?
I know when I had my son, the hospital instantly gave me a plastic nipple to go over mine. My baby never nursed off me because all he knew was the plastic. If I tried, he'd just sit there and cry until I gave him a plastic nipple. From the get go, the hospital ruined my chances of breast feeding. They had me pumping and giving it to him through a bottle before I even had a chance to try natural. We are raising our children on plastic and preservatives despite it being well known that breastfeeding highers our IQs. But it doesn't really higher our IQ's does it? No, that is our IQ naturally. Bottle feeding lowers our IQ. We are raising more and more babies with less intelligence.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Week 7
What caught my attention this week was The Dark Side of Relationships: Abuse starting page 403. This subject actually really strikes home. I spent five years in a severe aggressive relationship, which the book said was beating, punching or hitting with an object caused by personality disorders, emotional swings and poor-self esteem. In my experience, those terms are so broad, they don't come close to actually describing the reasons why people hurt those they love.
People say, "Why would you stay with them?" We all know the typical, paltry, "I love him/her," response. Unfortunately, there's always more to the story. It isn't just the rut that you've become accustomed to, or the hassle to divorce/move out. It's the fear that you've wasted the last however many years on someone all for nothing. It's the terror that every tear shed has been for naught and every day fighting an uphill battle to save your relationship was folly. No one wants to feel old, but there's nothing worse than feeling like you've wasted your youth.
In the end, I realized that you don't actually have to fight to save your relationship. It's easy to get along. All you have to do is try your best to make your partner happy. If you always put them ahead of yourself and if they're right for you, then they will always put your happiness first, as well. If they don't reciprocate, then they are not right for you. And never ever call names. Once that line is crossed, it's hard to go back.
People say, "Why would you stay with them?" We all know the typical, paltry, "I love him/her," response. Unfortunately, there's always more to the story. It isn't just the rut that you've become accustomed to, or the hassle to divorce/move out. It's the fear that you've wasted the last however many years on someone all for nothing. It's the terror that every tear shed has been for naught and every day fighting an uphill battle to save your relationship was folly. No one wants to feel old, but there's nothing worse than feeling like you've wasted your youth.
In the end, I realized that you don't actually have to fight to save your relationship. It's easy to get along. All you have to do is try your best to make your partner happy. If you always put them ahead of yourself and if they're right for you, then they will always put your happiness first, as well. If they don't reciprocate, then they are not right for you. And never ever call names. Once that line is crossed, it's hard to go back.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Week 6
Out of all the material this week, the article about girls being shown how to see themselves as sex objects piqued my interest. The article suggests that Bratz dolls and other media are poisoning our young children into thinking of their worth as the level of sexy they are.
Now, I have to say that even though I think it's inappropriate for dolls meant for 4 to 8 years olds to have fishnets and mini skirts, I don't think that it is dolls that are showing our children how to dress and act. Every summer I see mothers dressing their daughters up in little skirts and tiny bikinis. If we don't want our children to see themselves as sex objects then why are we dressing them up like sexually mature adults? Let's not blame the dolls because, let's face it, we don't have to buy them for our girls. It's up to the parent to instill self-respect in their child.
I also was very interested in Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Erikson states that children go through eight stages:
1. Trust versus Mistrust-birth to a year
2. Autonomy versus shame and doubt-1 to 3 years old
3. Initiavive versus guilt-3 to 6 years old
4. Industry versus inferiority-6 to puberty
5. Identity versus Role confusion-adolesence
6. Intimacy versus isolation-young adulthood
7. Generativity versus stagnation-during middle age
8. Ego Integrity versus despair-senior years
The idea is that if you don't complete each stage then you do not progress in a healthy manner in life. It baffles me that they can detect shame and doubt in 1 to 3 year olds. Our younger years really do effect us in the long term even though we don't remember a lot of them. I would love to know how Erikson came up with these stages. And is there a cut off where it's too late to work on these stages? Also, how did erikson get his research?
Now, I have to say that even though I think it's inappropriate for dolls meant for 4 to 8 years olds to have fishnets and mini skirts, I don't think that it is dolls that are showing our children how to dress and act. Every summer I see mothers dressing their daughters up in little skirts and tiny bikinis. If we don't want our children to see themselves as sex objects then why are we dressing them up like sexually mature adults? Let's not blame the dolls because, let's face it, we don't have to buy them for our girls. It's up to the parent to instill self-respect in their child.
I also was very interested in Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Erikson states that children go through eight stages:
1. Trust versus Mistrust-birth to a year
2. Autonomy versus shame and doubt-1 to 3 years old
3. Initiavive versus guilt-3 to 6 years old
4. Industry versus inferiority-6 to puberty
5. Identity versus Role confusion-adolesence
6. Intimacy versus isolation-young adulthood
7. Generativity versus stagnation-during middle age
8. Ego Integrity versus despair-senior years
The idea is that if you don't complete each stage then you do not progress in a healthy manner in life. It baffles me that they can detect shame and doubt in 1 to 3 year olds. Our younger years really do effect us in the long term even though we don't remember a lot of them. I would love to know how Erikson came up with these stages. And is there a cut off where it's too late to work on these stages? Also, how did erikson get his research?
Monday, May 12, 2014
Week 5
In this chapter I was quite appalled by the way the book detailed how you should parent. It states that you have to explain your dcisions to your children or they willl turn out "unhappy, have low self esteem and [become] overly aggressive." Page 254. The book also says that if you are a permissive parent where you allow your child to make their own decisions then they will turn out "impulsive and have little self control." This is absolutely false.
I was allowed to do what I like as a child. My mother was very "permissive". Because my mother treated me with respect and trusted me to make good decisions, I became responsible, had excellent grades, graduated early from high school and was out of the house on my own by 17 years old. She showed me by example what was right, but I was never told no. My parents let me stretch my wings out as far as I could and let me fall if I made a mistake. By giving me freedom and encouraging me to make my own desicions, they gave me the ability to think out problems on my own, be self-reliant and, above all, self-control.
On the other hand, I grew up surrounded by "authoratative" parents whose children were miserable, failing school, lying about where they were, shoplifting, having unsafe sex and a miriade of other inappropriate behaviour. I grew up in Lynden, where there was a lot of involved parents that had high control. We like to put everything is nice, neat little boxes, but the truth is that parenting is too individualized.
What one child needs is not what another needs. Some children need an authoritarian parent that shows less warmth but has high control. Some need authoritative parenting, which is high involvement and high control. Some need permissive parents, where there is high involvement and low control. And, let's face it, some children are better off with their parent not being involved or have any control. It completely depends on the child and the parent.
Also, on page 255, the book states, "Parents of higher socioeconomic status are, by definition, more educated and consequently often see development as a more complex process requiring the more nuanced and child friendly approach that marks authoritative parenting. Parents who are relatively uneducated often find themselves employed in positions where they're used to taking orders from others; when they're home, these parents reverse roles and order their children around. "
Socioeconomic status (SES) is an economic and sociological combined total measure of a person's work experience and of an individual's or family's economic and social position in relation to others, based on income, education, and occupation.
According to the definition of socioeconomics, it's a total measure of everything put together, not just education. Being educated does not, in any way, mean that you have more money. In fact, a huge percentage of our educated population are under paid teachers being ordered around and scraping for raises. Maybe people who are bossed around all day come home and treat their children with respect because they don't want to treat their children like they are treated at work. Maybe they go home and realax instead of bringing stress home. Maybe people with more money aren't really involved in their children's lives, allowing nannies to raise their children. I fail to see how that statement has any clout or truth in it.
We need to stop interfering with how people choose to raise their children. We need to stop judging and realize that every parent and child relationship is different. Their is too many wasted resources in this country going towards judging parents who are trying their best, when those resources should be helping children that really are being abused. Let's take a step back, stop analyzing, and trust a parent to know how their child works and what's best for them.
I was allowed to do what I like as a child. My mother was very "permissive". Because my mother treated me with respect and trusted me to make good decisions, I became responsible, had excellent grades, graduated early from high school and was out of the house on my own by 17 years old. She showed me by example what was right, but I was never told no. My parents let me stretch my wings out as far as I could and let me fall if I made a mistake. By giving me freedom and encouraging me to make my own desicions, they gave me the ability to think out problems on my own, be self-reliant and, above all, self-control.
On the other hand, I grew up surrounded by "authoratative" parents whose children were miserable, failing school, lying about where they were, shoplifting, having unsafe sex and a miriade of other inappropriate behaviour. I grew up in Lynden, where there was a lot of involved parents that had high control. We like to put everything is nice, neat little boxes, but the truth is that parenting is too individualized.
What one child needs is not what another needs. Some children need an authoritarian parent that shows less warmth but has high control. Some need authoritative parenting, which is high involvement and high control. Some need permissive parents, where there is high involvement and low control. And, let's face it, some children are better off with their parent not being involved or have any control. It completely depends on the child and the parent.
Also, on page 255, the book states, "Parents of higher socioeconomic status are, by definition, more educated and consequently often see development as a more complex process requiring the more nuanced and child friendly approach that marks authoritative parenting. Parents who are relatively uneducated often find themselves employed in positions where they're used to taking orders from others; when they're home, these parents reverse roles and order their children around. "
Socioeconomic status (SES) is an economic and sociological combined total measure of a person's work experience and of an individual's or family's economic and social position in relation to others, based on income, education, and occupation.
According to the definition of socioeconomics, it's a total measure of everything put together, not just education. Being educated does not, in any way, mean that you have more money. In fact, a huge percentage of our educated population are under paid teachers being ordered around and scraping for raises. Maybe people who are bossed around all day come home and treat their children with respect because they don't want to treat their children like they are treated at work. Maybe they go home and realax instead of bringing stress home. Maybe people with more money aren't really involved in their children's lives, allowing nannies to raise their children. I fail to see how that statement has any clout or truth in it.
We need to stop interfering with how people choose to raise their children. We need to stop judging and realize that every parent and child relationship is different. Their is too many wasted resources in this country going towards judging parents who are trying their best, when those resources should be helping children that really are being abused. Let's take a step back, stop analyzing, and trust a parent to know how their child works and what's best for them.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Week 4
What I really found interesting this week are the different views of ADHD and how we're managing it as a society. My whole family on my father's side is diagnosed with ADHD or ADD, so I grew up surrounded by varying degrees of the disorder. I have watched people that truly needed their medications go without while their parents try to manage them with counseling. It's incredibly fustrating for both the kid and parents. I've witnessed the amazing transformation medication can have on a child with ADHD, but I have also witnessed children who do not necessarily need medication, rather than attention and guidance, be drugged up because it's easier.
I think one of the reasons why we over use medication is because of our busy work schedules. Especially since in most families both parents have to work. Who has time to devote to an extra needy child? Also, I feel that we as a society trust whatever our doctors are telling us without looking up the facts.
I think one of the reasons why we over use medication is because of our busy work schedules. Especially since in most families both parents have to work. Who has time to devote to an extra needy child? Also, I feel that we as a society trust whatever our doctors are telling us without looking up the facts.
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